No. There are no perfect crimes. Let me repeat that – no perfect crimes. If you get away with it, it is because you are: a. you were lucky, b. ineptitude of the law officers, or c. a combination of both. In short, do not commit murder/homicide.
But no one ever listens to good advice right? So now that you have decided to kill, i am not going to help you, but let’s assume for a minute I was in your shoes, here are the things I would do, won’t do, and look out for.
Chapter 1 – no perfect crime
Chapter 2 – passion is your enemy (try logic)
Chapter 3 – 2 is a crowd
and no one keeps secrets – people suddenly develop a conscience or brag or talk too much or confense to the wrong person
Chapter 4 – if you shed you are in trouble already
– everyone sheds but Caucasian probably shed most of all especially hair
Chapter 5 – you always leave something behind
– don’t get attached to anything used in the commission of the crime, don’t use anything that’s well associated with you (that favorite gun for example – that “it was stolen a month ago” doesn’t wash anymore)
Chapter 6 – kick your bad habits first (smoking, chewing gum, excessive drinking)
Chapter 7 – dress for the part
Chapter 8 – don’t take that poligraph but maybe you should (how to beat poligraphs – drugs, hypnotism, etc)
Chapter 9 – get a lawyer (you are guilty either way)
chapter 10 – preparation (cash purchases, don’t shit where you live – go to distant stores, and don’t buy everything from same store or in bulk)
Chapter 11 – location, location, location – what are the chances that the very remote spot you choose to bury the body is the only location where some rare cacti grows and some nerd has decided to come study it that same day and the same time?
chapter 12 – phones, social media, phone apps, ez-pass, car mileage, getting gas, etc
Chapter 13 – cleaning up (body, blood, clothing, electronic trail, etc). show the right level of emotion when accosted by the police, join the search, put up the poster, etc.
Chapter 14 – control your ego and take your secret to the grave
Chapter 15 – stick with the first story no matter what
Chapter 16 – now that you are in jail (avoid being someone’s bitch, etc)
– I told you there are no perfect crimes right?