I put up a lot of stuff on this blog. They are not all meant to be taken literally as “gospel” truth. Most of what I write is what I think up when there is time on my hands (or not).
Yes, some of the entries have a little bit of me (don’t they all) mixed in there, but the bulk of each entry is completely made up. Except some I write in the first person (what?) – that sounds even more confusing to me.
Take “Happiness Lost” (July 16, 2012) for example. True, I was sad when I wrote it (don’t ask – I won’t tell – but it means the prayers apply). But that’s about as true as it gets – except for maybe that “offered heart” bit. I didn’t go to any of those places; didn’t meet any of those people; didn’t do any of those things; and there was NO – and there still is NO broken heart. It was purely for artistic effect. It just “flowed” well with the picture I was painting so it was almost “natural” to express it that way (artistic “liberties”). Put another way, a broken heart presupposes a previous state in which a couple of hearts (not one) were in some amalgamated state – well, that may be true concerning the fellow in the “narrative”, but was definitely not true of me (I agree the last sentence may sound like psycho-babble – if you think so too, let’s take it offline). I apologize if it came across as if I have a broken heart or someone broke my heart as that is not true (clarifying things – I think I have done enough damage already without adding that to it)
Also, take as another example, “The strangest thing happened to me yesterday” (July 11, 2012), my sister actually doubted I wasn’t lying when I assured her on the phone that I hadn’t got myself run over by a car. Well, I should probably take it as a compliment if the story sounded (or read) that believable!
I put my foot in my mouth a lot (read: say and do the wrong things) and it’s obvious I write the wrong things as well. Or go “dark” and “disappear”. So I hurt people (and who would have thought – myself as well) or manage to enstrange them. Unfortunately, if I don’t write, I would probably do something more inappropriate, so I think I will stick to writing :-(.
So, in the mean time, I am working on a lot of stuff personally and I hope spiritually with the goal of becoming a better person all round (read: take responsibility; don’t finger-point; know when to stop; talk; smile; talk some more; apologize; be reasonable; forgive; forget; trust; move; do; no second-guessing; no dilly-dallying; no shilly-shallying; get rid of the sarcasm; say what I mean, and say it at the proper time – not when it’s all gone southwards; pray and listen; believe the 4-letter word will happen sometime; positivity under all conditions; live! don’t just exist; dance?; be friendly; smile some more; etc)
A big thanks to my loyal, part-time and random readers/visitors. I appreciate the traffic.
I can’t promise to always keep it fresh, but I will try.
And if you ever look up and see a man soaring across the sky (“Look mum! No wings!”), it means I finally nailed it – that is, my faith finally made a mustard seed look like a microbe!
Have a lovely weekend. When we meet, we shall smile.
NB: It’s hard to change. I say I want to be straightforward and then I pretend the “stuff” above is random, when it is not. I am hoping “someone” will read it and conclude it is positive rather than offensive.
NB: This is the longest post I have written in a long time. Not because of the length in words, but because it is still not “right”, and I have already re-edited/updated it about
15 20 times. The phone is right here beside me, but “sorry” has lost its meaning …
Last Edit: I wish I could make you read this. That poem wasn’t meant to be taken literally. I want to say I am fine, that I am alright. But I am not, since I have once again caused you pain. What to do …
03/08/2012: No new entries until this “thing” is resolved 🙁