On “time and chance”

On “time and chance”

Here’s a thought.

You meet someone you really like and want desperately to be “the one” (notice I said “want” and not “need” – until the other party agrees the general consensus is – whether people actually say so or not – is that it’s “want” and not “need” – but once both parties agree to be a couple it magically turns to need – this is an over simplification on my part, but it’s an idea that should be explored further with respect to infatuation/obsession which are undesirable “traits” of course).

I digress. So you want this person to be “the one” (or well, you might also feel/know this person is the one), but he/she says no.

You feel you are heartbroken (or something akin to it – or maybe it’s just unfulfilled/frustrated desires and nothing else), but people (both sexes, all religions) say it’s OK, move on, there are many fishes in the sea.

All fine and dandy.

But if that’s the case, why do (the same) people then expect (or hold the view/idea) that the ceremonies of one single day (wedding) with its attendant exchange of vows (during which time you could have got the couple to say almost anything with their emotions running wild and them being on euphoric “highs”) would automatically or magically change that view/belief?

In short one could argue that this view is predicated on the idea that while a person is single it’s OK to believe that people weren’t meant to be faithful to one partner for life but once we eat the jollof rice, that believe must magically change to the opposite? (I know I am exaggerating/over simplifying things – again :-). Human beings aren’t that simple and believes don’t change that easily – just because you recite some words – even religion has had a hard time of it, otherwise we should all be saints but as I was once told (correctly), “there are no saints anywhere”.

The point I am making is that people are “confused” if they (and that’s largely the case) support the above position. You can’t say you believe there’s “the one” for everybody out there and then believe as well that there are many fishes in the ocean (I tend to go with the latter position from a point of view of “time and chance” may ultimately determine who you end up with).

So “we” must choose one. Either:

1. We are not meant to be with one partner for life; there’s nothing like “the one”; and there are many fishes in the ocean,

2. Or, there’s indeed “the one”; and you can be lucky enough to find him/her; and you are expected to be with the person for life.

Thinking about the above a little more, I guess we can add a third possibility or a subgroup of possibility “2” above, which is:

3. If you don’t meet “the one”, then you might not remain (or are under no obligation to remain) with one partner for life.

The issue with 3 of course is that it’s likely to be abused – people are going to use it as justification for everything from emotional laziness (not willing to put in the work when things get rough or the initial spark cools) to just plain sampling something new based on purely animalistic urges (men more than women). Thus, this third possibility will open a Pandora’s box (which we have already been toying with for quite a while going by the rate of divorce and unfaithfulness in the society).

(Personally, my religious self prefers option 2 while thinking 1 and 3 are akin to blasphemy just the same way that the good book says that “God rules in the affairs of men” while mentioning somewhere else that “time and chance” happens to all men and women.)

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4:30AM “rant”. Will (realistically probably not) return to it some day ┬áto explore the subject in more details.

Breezy

Breezy
I am sitting in a wicker chair on a wooden platform jutting out over the lagoon. The DJ is rocking out Tupac’s “Change” on his turntable. There’s some wind so the humidity is not too bad. 

The lights of Ikoyi are visible in the dark across the lagoon.

The fellow on the next table just lost his phone. He got up but was a little tipsy. He tripped and the phone went flying. He scrambled for it but was no where quick enough. There was a soft plunk when the phone hit the water. I only heard it because I was on the next table and watching. 

He signaled to one of the attendants. She told him if he leaves his details they will see if it can be retrieved the next day. She didn’t sound too hopeful. 

I signaled her over and asked if that happens often. She said more often than they care to count. 

Do the phones ever get retrieved and handed to the owner. Her response was a polite version of “ain’t nobody got time for that.”

I smiled. She asked if I needed anything. I said no. She walked away. 

I leaned over the rail and looked into the water. I fancy I can see the phone but it’s just my imagination. There’s no light over the water so it’s just black.

I wonder if there’s “reception” (GSM signal) down there. Something I have to google later.

Do mermaids make calls? Are there even mermaids in lagoons?

The DJ and I are the only people on our own. He has no choice. I guess I do. But the concept of choice is tricky and can be deceptive. For example, should one rather choose the company of someone you find obnoxious rather than be alone?

I stretch my legs. That’s at least one benefit on being on a table that’s supposed to sit four by myself. 

If you think about someone all the time and they in turn think about you all the time, it’s love. If it’s one sided, then it’s infatuation or obsession, what’s up with that? Don’t answer that. Ignore. 

I am not a “drinker”. I don’t know how to “stretch” a drink out. If it’s in my cup, I tend to down it. Then stop. But that’s not social. But I am alone so who cares. But then the eagle eyed attendants is likely to swoop in and ask if I need a fresh bottle. I have learnt to eat ice to fill in the gaps, but I don’t have any. Maybe I should ask for some. I still have an hour to kill. We will see. 

Someone observed that ladies go around in threes. One main beauty and two sidekicks. Not sure it’s always true. What’s the equivalent for men? One dominant and two less aggressive sidekicks? Since I am alone, that makes it me, myself and I. Wonder which one is dominant and which two are the side kicks. That’s a joke, I am not even slightly tipsy. 

“I hope this night lasts forever. … Makes me happy, makes me feel this way. …” 

Note to self, “Keep phone well away from the water.”

The guys on the next table ordered pepper soup. It smells nice. But I am not really hungry. One of them commented that the price of anything you order while seated out here is 50% more than if you were inside. That’s news to me. Makes no difference though. I just imagine that I was going to order two bottles. But still, that’s some expensive breeze.

The phone guy finally leaves. I hope he makes it home. I think people are more dangerous when they are almost completely wasted. They disagree with you on everything and think the little control they still have makes them superman or something. That’s a disaster waiting to happen when they get behind the wheels of a vehicle. At least a completely wasted person who can’t even make it off his seat is likely to be driven home if he’s with company.

Time passes slowly.

I wonder where you are, and who you are with, but that’s infatuation, so I put on a happy face for the attendant who showed up with my bill. Maybe I should have ordered that second bottle. But that would have made me like my “phone friend” who just left, and “I ain’t that guy.”

Time to pack it in and hit the road. There’s church in the morning.