Ramblings

Ramblings

Stepping out into the midnight
I feel it will be alright
fire in your eyes
fire in your words
fire on the phone
fire in your voice
fire in your text
fire in your mail

in the distance the siren wails
A wall of sound
I fight the urge
i am evil
i am not evil
i am not nice
i am nice
i am terrible
i am not terrible

no use looking back
but the memories lurk in the shadows
dark shapes whispering dark words
Oh how I wish it would rain
rain down on me
maybe I should give in
in to the walking dead
“Here, my arm. Take a mouthful”
let us be one

burn me up with the fever
when I rise again like the phoenix
I shall have conquered my past
No idea of the future
hell hath no fury …
what?
A thing; living in the present
never to dream again
free for all eternity
but what is freedom?
what is the price?
what is the prize?

What nonsense!
Get over yourself already!

 

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NOTE: this is just a placeholder. I think I wrote it without actually thinking in about 10 minutes. It has no merits; no saving grace – so don’t look for one.
“Someone” (VIP) asked today if I still write: if I still put anything up on this blog. I am actually writing 3 short stories (or maybe 4 or 5 or 6, definitely under 10 :-), but I have been slacking off. Only one is currently being written – slowly.
So if you read the above, thank you. You should then promptly forget it. I have: maybe.

Lagos

LAGOS

The sign says “Welcome to Lagos” and it is interesting to read it upside down.

I know it is time. But it’s OK because I am thinking about you. I am not sad. Well maybe a little. My life is not flashing before my eyes, but I am thinking of a lot of things. I am happy you forgave my sudden journey into unreasonableness. You truly did, or didn’t you? And it was good that it wasn’t due to another woman. That would never happen.

There is always being one of the 144,000 to look forward to: but maybe not, can’t remember if it’s strictly Israelites only.

“Welcome to Lagos”. I have always wondered why don’t the sign tell the truth? I guess that’s not good for business. That in Lagos, you will be robbed and robbed again. That you may never leave? That all you earn you may lose and more?

“Lagos” I am reading it backwards. I can read it as “So Gal” – “So Gal, will you think of me from time to time? When there is a lull in your busy schedule?” I think you will – even if only because I am gone.

I can hear the sirens and I can see some feet in the distance. Looks like they are coming this way. They need not bother. I will be gone long before they get here. I know. I hope I am actually writing this and not just gibberish. I can’t see too clearly to tell, so if it is not all legible, please forgive me for the very last time. I should see you sometime, but that won’t be true: I won’t be around.

I should have told you I was in pain that day. But I sucked it all up, took the pills, smiled, laughed, and even managed to tell a couple of jokes when all the time I felt like the devil was up my behind with a blowtorch and a demon horde out of hell. I wasn’t myself and I wasn’t thinking straight for several days afterwards. That is an excuse – but it is the best I could come up with for my behavior – because even now I can’t explain why I acted the way I did.

I can see the Police describing it as a single car accident. I let my thoughts wander too far off the road. I didn’t see the plank of wood on the road until it was too late. Everything after that is a blur. But thankfully my diary was within hands reach when the car finally stopped moving. I know I am broken beyond repair because I can see certain body parts that are not supposed to be visible. I should round this up now because the pen is slipping out of my hand and I can barely control it.

I don’t see the white light – maybe it only appears at the last moment in which case I won’t be able to write about it.

Say me well to everyone. Be good.

(Editor’s note: The rest wasn’t legible partly because of the blood smear, but there may have been the word “mum” in it)

NOTE: this was written several months ago.