{"id":430,"date":"2012-06-08T10:54:48","date_gmt":"2012-06-08T09:54:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.itayemi.com\/blog\/?p=430"},"modified":"2012-06-18T17:06:44","modified_gmt":"2012-06-18T16:06:44","slug":"the-devil-you-know","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.itayemi.com\/blog\/2012\/06\/08\/the-devil-you-know\/","title":{"rendered":"The Devil You Know"},"content":{"rendered":"

The Devil You Know<\/strong><\/p>\n

D: You know, this is not going to end well for you \u2013 said the man in the mirror.<\/p>\n

Me: Who are you? Why am I even listening?<\/p>\n

D: Oh? I am shocked you don\u2019t know who I am. Been with you since the day you were born. Your own personal devil. Always at your service good sir.<\/p>\n

Me: How can that be? I have the Holy Spirit!<\/p>\n

D: So says you. You have or may not have an angel as well. What does that matter to me? Different rules apply down here. Up there, I may not go. Down here, \u201cAs you people say, it\u2019s a free world.\u201d So chin up, the field is always ripe, and there is plenty of fruits to pluck. Though I am ashamed that for my own personal human, you haven\u2019t been doing any plucking, and it\u2019s affecting my KPA! Now,\u00a0 the last chap I was assigned to, he was a different ballgame altogether \u2013 \u201cball\u201d game, you get it? (Smirk) Ha Ha! We were together till his last breath. In fact, after I saw him off, I got a promotion for a job well done! Those were the good old days! But you on the other hand, are cramping my style and \u201cfalling my hand O!\u201d<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t look so glum. Yeah, I know, she\u2019s written you off completely as a feckless, callous, unfeeling, son-of-a-b***h. I think you made her cry. It\u2019s OK to make women cry when they are fully totally in love with you, in fact you can get away with almost anything including murder. But it is a no-no when you are still shuffling your feet at the door. That tentative feeling they had for you, well, it gets converted into pork-steaming hate. You are a gonner buddy! The sooner you accept it the better.<\/p>\n

Me: But I can\u2019t sleep. I can\u2019t think of anything else. Why am I even telling you all these? Your dad is after all, your dad is the father of all lies.<\/p>\n

D: You can\u2019t sleep? How is that my problem? I don\u2019t sleep either. We can keep each other company. And who are you gonna tell? The pope? Take it from me, I don\u2019t tell all lies. In fact, the amount of lie in anything I say varies from 100% to 0% when I think the truth will aid my goal.<\/p>\n

OK, OK. Let me tell you a little truth. I have been in contact with her personal devil. And it ain\u2019t looking good for you buddy! If you were a nice cut of beef, sliced, diced, parboiled and served with a side of fresh veg., she had eat you for lunch at this point!<\/p>\n

Me: How do you know that?<\/p>\n

D: Don\u2019t get slow on me now. Well, we can\u2019t actually read your thoughts, but your faces and actions give the game away all the time. I shouldn\u2019t be telling you this, but I know it wouldn\u2019t make a difference: you write stuff down and tell stuff to your friends and families. Well, I can read, and there is no law against eavesdropping. Can you even call it that? It\u2019s not like I am there backing you, and pretending not to be listening, is it? In fact, I am looking over your shoulders and reading as you write and going \u201cYeah! Yeah! Give it to them! Way to go buddy!\u201d<\/p>\n

Me: So what am I to do? Any hope?<\/p>\n

D: So now you are asking me for advice?<\/p>\n

Me: Scratch that! No! I was thinking out loud.<\/p>\n

D: If you say so. But you know all liars shall have their portion, pressed down, shaken together, and running over. A lot of anything is a good thing right? Carry go!<\/p>\n

You have been digging portholes all these while and tripping over them. But this one takes the cake! It\u2019s like bringing in a motorized digger after exploding a ton of C4. And don\u2019t forget falling in afterwards. You are up the proverbial sh*t creek without a paddle, and in a strait jacket. What you gonna stir with? Your legs?<\/p>\n

Me: I didn\u2019t do it on purpose. Never meant to hurt her.<\/p>\n

D: You can tell yourself that all day long till the cows come home and the stars come out. But it aint gonna do you a world of good. Your goose is cooked and your bacon is deep fried. And don\u2019t let me even get started on your steak.<\/p>\n

Me: And what is with the American-speak?<\/p>\n

D: Well, I got that a while back. A century ago to be precise. My work involves a lot of travelling you know. See, I was with this America dude. Great guy if I say so myself. And that is saying a lot. Because those were the dark days when men got religion like there was a fire in their britches! But he was having none of it. He was dead drunk the day he kicked the bucket, and was screaming and cursing like a crazy bedbug till his heart finally gave in. Ha! Ha! I almost died of laughter (almost, mind you, I can\u2019t actually die). But hey, enough about me. What are you going to do? I could proffer a solution or two, but since you don\u2019t want my sagely advice, let\u2019s hear what you have in mind. It\u2019s not like you have been doing a bad job until now, is it?<\/p>\n

Anyways, thanks for the drama. I was getting old watching you pick your nose in slo-mo! At least now, I have something interesting to pass along to the crew rather than be the bore of the party.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s go!<\/p>\n

You need to give up. Some things can\u2019t be fixed. And I am telling you this is one of them. After all, I should know. I thought I joined the winning team back in the beginning, but boy, was I wrong?!<\/p>\n

(Silence)<\/p>\n

D: Can I make a suggestion? It works every time. Now listen to this. If you were to die, all your sins would be forgotten and forgiven. Immediately. I have never seen it not work. Just crash your car going 220Km\/hr or jump down from the top of a tall (at least 20 floors) building. She won\u2019t even remember what it was you did that was wrong! How about it? Will you at least consider it? And let me know what you think?<\/p>\n

(Silence)<\/p>\n

Me: How can I get you out of my head? I need to think.<\/p>\n

D: Technically, I am not inside your head. I am at your shoulder. I am on the left shoulder, and your so-called angel is on the right, but I think he\u2019s got a sore throat since you can\u2019t hear him.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey bro, who you been kissing? Better get that throat looked at. Looks nasty. Could be the death of you I hope.\u201d<\/p>\n

See? No answer. So, he is either not there at all or I am right about that sore throat. What sort of angel gets a sore throat? Fakes and hacks I tell you.<\/p>\n

You really should give him the old heave-ho once and for all. At least, we know what I am here for. To get you in trouble. But what has he ever done for you? In fact, the chap is getting me into a right old mood. Let\u2019s just ignore him.<\/p>\n

Now, where were we? Yes. I remember. Me proposing suicide and you accepting it. When are you gonna make that jump buddy. I will try not to watch. Blood and gore are not exactly good for my constitution. But I will be there all the way with you buddy. All the way down! You will never walk alone! Let\u2019s do it. Let\u2019s do it now. Let\u2019s show them buddy! Let\u2019s show them we have got balls of steel and can do anything we want. Yes, we can!<\/p>\n

Me: Will you kindly go away. I have to pray.<\/p>\n

D: Why would you go and do such a thing? I thought we were connecting on a really deep level and you want to go and spoil that?<\/p>\n

\u201cOh Lord! Maker of the Universe \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

D: Darn it! See you later. I gotta bounce\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

(Several Hours Later \u2026)<\/p>\n

D: Why are you laughing? I hope you are not humming as well? Has the price of sugar fallen? Did we elect a new governor and I didn\u2019t know about it? Did you hit the mother-load?<\/p>\n

Me: No. But no thanks to you, we are good again.<\/p>\n

D: Who are these \u201cwe\u201d and what are we good about?<\/p>\n

Me: Yeah, you can pretend all you want. It was only this morning you tried to convince me that it was never going to work out.<\/p>\n

Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam!<\/p>\n

Me: What is that noise?<\/p>\n

D: It\u2019s me hitting my head against the wall hard enough to crack a coconut. You should try it sometime. Does wonders when you have c**ked up something. And you get to repeat \u201cDarn! Darn! Darn!\u201d under your breath as well.<\/p>\n

Well, I give up. But that makes how many friends you got? 3, 5 or 7? You have got nothing on me! I have so many friends, they are coming out of my pores. They are legion. Get it? \u201cLegion\u201d<\/p>\n

And are we not going to celebrate this? I can have my friends over in a minute. And don\u2019t worry about needing space for the party. We don\u2019t mind being packed tighter than a can of Sardines. There is enough space on your shoulders and in your coconut for us. Let\u2019s get this party started!<\/p>\n

And another solution to your problem (which I know will soon return). Once we get the party started, we can drive you stark, raving, mad. Don\u2019t forget the stark part. Stark naked. Nothing to be ashamed of. Even Adam was stark naked in the beginning, and don\u2019t believe that business with the leaves. Didn\u2019t do a damn thing. He only needed to look at Eve, and well, the leaves stopped working.<\/p>\n

Any-hoos. It\u2019s like I gotta bounce for a while. You ain\u2019t cooperating. And I have got other eggs to fry \u2013 other bacons in the fire. Be a good boy while I am gone and be a little bad eh? Just a little. Just for Daddy eh?<\/p>\n

Taking offence I called you a little boy? Boo Hoo. How old are you? 30, 40? That doesn\u2019t even register on my calendar. I have been around since this joint was established. That ought to tell you something.<\/p>\n

And don\u2019t be too happy OK. You know what they say, \u201cThis world is one continuous sad trip, with little breaks of happiness once in a long while.\u201d Well, this break is about to end soon \u2013 if I have anything to do with it.<\/p>\n

Oh? So now, you won\u2019t talk to me again? Giving me the cold shoulder? Pretending you can\u2019t hear me now are we? No problem!<\/p>\n

You know I know you will soon be writing stuff down again and I will be right there with you, reading your every thought.<\/p>\n

Me: \u201cOh Lord! Maker of the Universe \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The Devil You Know D: You know, this is not going to end well for you \u2013 said the man in the mirror. Me: Who are you? Why am I even listening? D: Oh? I am shocked you don\u2019t know … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-430","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.itayemi.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/430","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.itayemi.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.itayemi.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.itayemi.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.itayemi.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=430"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.itayemi.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/430\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":450,"href":"https:\/\/www.itayemi.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/430\/revisions\/450"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.itayemi.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=430"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.itayemi.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=430"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.itayemi.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=430"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}