My favorite bank is charging for printing account statement online. Get this – charging me for printing the statement from the comfort of my home; using my own printer and paper; on my laptop (pc). Yet the bank does not charge for viewing the statement online. But once you press the print button you activate the shylock in the banking application. Consider that the statement is already on my screen and technically already downloaded to my PC and that I can find myriad other ways to print it instead of using their print button. The bank should rather consider it as a VAS (Value Added Service) or state explicitly that they will be charging for it (it’s possibly stated in some obscure brochure which no one has a copy of anymore). And come to that, sometimes a service provider needs to look beyond immediate gratification i.e., the potential returns (after some sort of research to find out how many customers actually use the service – in this case the “print” option) to the amount of goodwill/free adverts via the happy customer exercising their bragging rights by telling friends and colleagues alike about the VASes offered by his/her bank at no extra costs to the customer. This will utlimately bring the bank more returns than the paltry hackle-raising sum they are likely to arm-twist from a few disgruntled customers who have no choice but to have the said amount debited from their accounts.

Paid good money last week to learn to drive (at a driving school). Yeah I know – I see the shock on your face – after what – years on earth? I must say it felt too much like work! Luckily I didn’t run into anyone through out the 5-day course 🙂 Reversing still has lots of kinks but I am sure with practice it will all get straightened out.

I wonder when we as a people will make great progress. Today I watched a man move his vehicle to block the tiny space between his car and the one in front of his in a bumper-to-bumper hold-up just so that according to him “why should only the bikes continue to move when others are stuck in th hold-up” – talk about twisted logic. What he seemed not to realise is that by moving forward he created space between him and the car behind him – so the bikes just had to do a little detour. Until we are happy at other’s progress (or at least accept it) we wont go far in this country – same probably goes for a lot of Africans 🙁

I believe the saying that prayer does not change God but us (neither does fasting) may be true. I have come to understand accept Psalm 115 verse 3 “But our God is in the heavens: he hath done whatsoever he hath pleased.” No amount of crying, not any other means of blackmail will change God. He is afterall not variable. Because in the grand scheme of things – whether we believe it or not; whether we accept it or not – each of us is just one of the uncountable billions of His creation. That does not mean he pays no heed to us or that we are negligible – it just means that our wants are our wants; our desires and lastly our needs – the “our”, the “I”, the “we” makes it almost certainly selfish in intent (whether wholly or partially)

The nice people at the US embassy refused to grant me a visiting NIV. No strong family ties in Nigeria. How absurd! But at least the officer said I am young and single (maybe that was a come-on?). Geez! And I didn’t catch on!

Is it not strange that all the actual officers that review applications are whites and the black-americans just do the initial document checking? BFR!

I was in what looked like an office. At first I thought I was sitting up, but later I was definitely lying down on my back on a bed or surfer. There was a semi-partition in the room.
Soon, 4 Asians (Chinese I think) – one lady and 3 men came into the room – all leather-jacketed and looking like they mean business. Two of the men sat down while the  lady and the 3rd man ll flirty-like made their way behind the partial partition. From the angle where I was, I couldn’t quite see what they were up to, but the way the other two looked at me persuaded me to mind by own business.
Soon the girl moved out into the open and it was clear the 3rd guy was dead behind the partition. She stood over me with the knife in her hands looking all mean and just about ready to add me to the tally.  After a brief pause, she placed the knife in my hands and they all left. May be it was the paranoia that arises from watching too many films,  but the next thing I did was to grab a piece of clothing and carefully wipe my fingerprints off the knife.

– – – – – fade to white – – – – –

I have added Philadelphia (Tom Hanks, Antonio Banderas, Denzel Washington) to the list of films you should not watch with company (do so at the danger of being labeled a sissy!). I survived most of the film intact until the scene at the end of the film when his family was bidding him good night at the hospital. Let’s just say the guy that broke down had additional company!

Whatever happened to Mila Jovanovich (joan of arc)! Surgery gone wrong or new mum? Saw her on TV talking about resident evil and she looked quite strange (to put it delicately). Bye bye to my fantasies.

Had a TGIF timeout at my office 2 Fridays ago. Now I know not to take 2 bottles of Gordon Spark at one sitting (or standing). I normally take maltina (or one of its competitors) but got only one bottle of that. So I took 2 Gsparks (before and after the Maltina). My gait was still steady but the effect

was still on 4 hours later. Luckily I could still act normal but felt like I should just shut my eyes forever. My head felt very strange!

I don’t take calls on Sunday. It’s my day for doing nothing.
I become one with all. I am as still as the air on a
boiling mid-july afternoon. I do not think about the past nor
ponder the future. iExist.
“Nobody here! Nobody here!” – my ringtone for Sundays. Raising
one unenthusiastic brow, iGlance at the number on the display.
It’s my private line – known to very few people. It must
be an emergency … iGrudgingly take the call!
“Hello Y, we have an issue here. It’s not within your JD but
we know you know the stuff. The vendor is unreachable,
and if we wait till tomorrow heads will roll. Please help!”
“How did you get this number?”
“Long story my brother, X Knows J’s friend K knows D who has M’s number …”
(iWill do some head-banging tomorrow but today iMust be calm,
it’s the only way to achieve the oneness iSeek)
Describe the problem to me, iCommand.
Unfamiliarity with subject shows through long-winded-round-about
explanation.
Problem rare but known solution exist in knowledge-base and the
google-verse (iNternet).
Check the system in 10minutes. Cut the line, tap the keyboard
of my modded laptop and it hums to life like some discarded
machine from the matrix. This is my world where I am “master
and commander”. iRASsed into the Cel-Plex and fix the
problem. iContribute to “Meet the Challenge”. iHappy.
The caller’s boss will call tomorrow. It’s nice to
be acknowledged from time to time. But too much publicity; too
much craving for fame and the oneness is lost forever. I am
the shadow behind the scene. iSolve. iExist. I don’t take
calls on Sunday.
Gradually I drift off again, oneness with-all within my grasp
… never been this close … my principles have been broken.
What is a man without principles … “Nobody he..” – iAwake.
iAgitate. It’s a THIRD of a ring. iGlance at number.
Bl**dy flasher! Now I take calls on Sunday …
what is a man without principles … iRephrase … I don’t MAKE calls on Sunday!
New principles iNstalled. iConceed. iAccept. iRelax. iTerminate processing.

Had another long dream yesterday
Found myself on Sanusi Fafunwa walking towards GTB . The CEO was ahead of me with 6, 7 or 8 people.
I guess power attracts. Some time later he must have noticed me because he asked if there was anything
he could do for me (friendly). I said no, that I just fell in when I saw people with him. Almost at
the bank, he asked what I did for the company (my function). I replied that I was responsible for the
UNIX infrastructure enterprise-wide. He then pointed to a younger man in front of us and asked if I
could “fix” him up. I had in mind to go through the process of asking what the man’s qualifications
were, and that there is only one entry level position in my unit etc but maybe because we were
already at the bank, we let it go.
The bank was curiously full of all sorts of people – even those you wouldn’t expect in such a place.
Cut to me being in the S.E.C. or some similar security organization. It seems I needed a letter to
travel or something. Anyway, the women attending to me said something about getting O.O (my former
boss to sign it or so). Cut to me and OAT in some out of the way un-tarred road pitted
with potholes looking like some forest road. Cut to my father’s former hospital which was
full of people but I got the impression he wasn’t the doctor on duty.
Cut to the CEO on a discussion of progress, “connection”, etc. He says “levels 20-18 – SSG.” “Levels 17-1 – open
cadre – no conduit” – he adds shaking his head – meaning its hard to “rise” and “no connection” etc. Hey, the man introduced me to his Janded-daughter – wink-wink. Ok, maybe I was starting to wake up here and my sub-conscious had taken over and was feeding wishful stuff into my dream-stream 🙂

Sometimes I wonder why go to the trouble of getting hitched, procreating, etc with death a certainity? But the hormones won’t let me be! They say it’s also part of life – experiencing all these things is part of being alive.

Some days ago I was piloting a helicopter in my dream. It was so vivid it was like an out-of-body experience. The helicopter was small so I could feel all the dips and turns. The only thing I close to it I can remember is a dream long ago in which I was flying through the air. It felt strange on both occasions but I wouldn’t mind a repeat 🙂  The helicopter dream was over some buildings in what appeared to be a field surrounded by dense lush forest.

1. Had a close shave on a bike yesterday. The “Okada” driver burst unto a main road checking traffic coming from only one direction. Luckily, the vehicle coming from our blind side wasn’t speeding, and not leaving anything to chance, I was flailing wildly with my right arm so that even if the driver chose not to see the rider, he would at least see me.

2. Went to eat in the canteen, and after a while I thought “thank God I don’t work in Customer Care, otherwise it’s straight to hell with the Devil scoring what’s tecnically known as an “assist” 🙂

Just about an hour ago, there was a fire alarm in the building where I was busy working on a server. At first I ignored it, but then someone shouted outside “everybody get out now!” I looked around quickly and for some reason the only thing I grabbed was my empty computer bag. I looked at the laptop, but thinking it would take too much time to pack it up, I left it there on the desk. In my other hand as I made my way outside I was seeping on a small pack of Chi Exotic Pineapple & Coconut Nectar. So there I was outside the building observing the melee until it suddenly struck me that I had left my phone outside – I was really “left holding the (empty) bag” by no other than myself. How smart was that?

Hey, Chi (the corporation) should pay me for the free advert above. They can make it a full advert – something along the line of “if your house is burning, don’t forget your chi! With your chi in your hand, nothing is impossible!” Video cuts to a man taking a flying leap out of a burning skyscraper, lands on the ground, without a scratch, takes a final seep of his chi, winks and walks off screen. “Why not seep-a-chi today?”